by
Robert Alan Silverstein
"Oh
crap!' OM groaned. "Internet says this story's still muddlefu**ed!
Well, at least we're back to whole numbered chapters."
Startled out of our own internal muddlefu**s, we both re-focused
on OM's rolling-eyed glare.
"I
knew it was a longshot, but still I was hoping that with that
premature chapter reboot Georgie-boy just put us through,
you two would have found each other out there in your baseTimelines
by now."
Again with this baseTimeline stuff.
"BaseTimeline.
You know, colloquially referred to as your 'reallife'?".
Say what now?
Speaking for myself, my brain was feeling pretty fried trying
to wrap itself around all the nonsense this crazy computer
was spewing. I turned and saw in her expression that Maya
was going through a similar existential experience. Was OM
saying this all wasn't real, after all!!!???
"Of
course not!" OM gasped, looking offended.
Wait, what... How is this computer always reading my thoughts?
"Elementary,
sherlock," OM laughed. "No mindtricks necessary. It's all
on the Internet in digital black and white. Every last word."
Yikes! I'd better keep my thoughts to myself.
"Exactly!
Now, shut up and let me explain. I've got more fans waiting
for my words than you do, so it's only fair we spend as much
of the chapter on me as we can. Anyway, I digress. So, of
course all this is real. It's also not. Potatoes, tomatoes."
'Um, that is not how that saying goes," Maya snapped. She
was trying really hard to understand what was going on but
we were both losing whatever little patience we had left.
"Anywho,"
OM continued with a nasty stare. "Look, she sighed, "the elevator
pitch is that you two are currently living your TrueLife,
here. You know, the ONE timeline where you've found your soulmates
and you both get to live happily ever after. Together, forever
and ever."
I looked at Maya. She looked at me. My thoughts were all over
the place.
My soulmate!
Okay.
Really?
I mean, was there an attraction between us? Absolutely. At
least from my side. I hoped from Maya's as well, but to be
honest, it was hard to tell what she was thinking as we stared
at each other.
But SOULMATES?
Supposedly we'd even already had some wild, sensual adventures
together. At least according to OM, because although my imagination
could definitely invent some sexy-time movies about Maya and
me if left to its own devices, I definitely did not have memories
of even a single actual scene.
But soulmates, together for the rest of our lives? Actually,
supposedly together for ETERNITY, whatever that's supposed
to mean.
The truth is, Maya and I were, for all intents and purposes,
still strangers.
"FOCUS
KIDS!" OM snapped, breaking our question-filled gaze at each
other.
"So
this is your TrueLife-Timeline, but then there's also your
baseTimeline, your so-called reallife. Which is the mundane
timeline you're stuck in from the cradle to the grave."
Two open-mouthed dumfounded stares blinked at OM.
She sighed. "Then there's your BestLife-Timeline. That's the
one potential timeline in your baseline-Timeline where you
actually find each other, and a loving, supportive community
where you belong, and you find fulfillment by living to your
true potentials... together. Which allows you to imagine and
co-create together this Truelife-Timeline, where you're not
only part of the interconnected wonder of Everything that
ever was, could have been, or ever will be, working to save
the universe, but you're the stars in the book series. Or
movie. Or miniseries. Sitcom. Whatever this is. Your Wikipedia
entry keeps changing, so I'm honestly not sure anymore."
So there you have it. The upside-down, inside-out back-story
explanation we'd been been waiting for. The one which was
supposed to finally help us figure out what was going on.
Nope. Sorry, still muddlefu**ed.
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2023-2024 Robert Alan Silverstein
